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Woman Hand Tightening

November 14, 2017

 

I hate housework.

I readily admit I'm nobody's Suzy Homemaker or Ms. Fixit.

So, I will take any opportunity to make the drudgery of housekeeping even a little less tedious and distasteful.

 

With that in mind, I decided I needed a new shower head.

Because, out of all the horrors of housework, cleaning the bathtub ranks right at the top of the list. That is, until the very moment some other ridiculously dehumanizing task becomes unavoidable.

As I was at the stage where showering in the muck that was my bathtub became counterproductive, I figured that a handheld shower head might save me the indignity of having to either kneel uncomfortably to scrub, or (horrors!) actually climb in the tub to clean the fuzzy shower walls. 

 

Armed with the determination of desperation, I headed to my nearby friendly neighborhood home and garden supercenter.

 

Once in the vast warehouse of doodads, thingamajigs and whatnots, I sought the assistance of the nearest helpful hardware man or woman. Turns out, the first uniformed helper I saw was a man.

 

So, I explained my predicament to Mr. Plumbing Section Guy, taking great pains to inform him of my lack of expertise, agility and interest while inquiring as to how best facilitate my need to install a new all purpose multifunction shower head. 

 

Lo and behold, my Mr. Helper Man was THE plumber guy of the whole entire section, if not store and region! Maybe even the world!! Seriously, dude knew his stuff!

 

He assured me it was no big deal, and even *I* could do it, noooo problemo. He then proceeded to show me step-by-step how to accomplish my task. Easy peasy.

 

Near the end of his hands on demonstration, he told me that though everything was provided in all the packages no matter which one I picked, regardless of brand and price, and that no tools at all were necessary as "hand-tightening" was all that was required, it behooved me to make certain that the screw thingy was "man hand-tightened."

 

Harry Helpme even went so far as to advise me to get my "husband" to do it, if by chance I didn't have  a "son around the house big enough" to lend a "man hand." Since I'm sure that, knowledgeable as he indeed was, he cannot read minds, he most likely  still doesn't know anything about the stream of dirty names I unleashed on him in my head. "Dildo" was probably my favorite, as one has to deserve a lot less invective to qualify as a "dick."

 

Suffice it to say, being son-less and husband-less, I was at a disadvantage. However, massive surges of angry estrogen-fueled adrenaline coursing through my veins allowed me to "woman hand tighten" the fuck outta my new household assistant shower head!

 

Now, my shower is clean...-er than it was!

 

On top of that, I found out that with just a few minor adjustments, shower hoses have (ahem) other uses.

 

"Man hand" my ass.

 

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